Several months passed before I finally dealt with the removal of that old screw in my leg from an unfortunate fracture. Memories of how poorly I took care of my health resurfaced... Well, I had to pull myself together and face the MRI! Now it would be all downhill! As I write this now, it makes me laugh how naive I was. Downhill??? Maybe in winter on a sled... (because I could no longer ski)
But let's go step by step.
I scheduled a private MRI to avoid wasting more time than I already had. I did the required blood tests again and, full of hope that I would soon rule out MS, I went for the MRI the next day. I paid a considerable amount at the reception to a friendly lady and waited for my turn.
Even though I was having the test done privately, instead of the planned hour, I ended up spending almost the entire day there. No one informed me that inpatients or those brought in by ambulances were prioritized. After being given the contrast agent, I was invited to the room where the MRI would be performed. When I entered, I knew it was going to be a circus... I saw a tube with a narrow hole in the middle. I have claustrophobia! Hmm... I used to have it... maybe I don't anymore..? Okay! Let's try, or it will be embarrassing...
I lay down on the platform, which was to slide me into this device straight from the depths of hell. They began placing a plastic cage on my head to immobilize it so the image wouldn't be blurry, and they put a rubber bulb in my hand, assuring me that if I felt unwell, pressing it would stop the test and they would pull me out of the tube.
Just when I thought it was over, they put something resembling headphones on my ears to muffle the noise during the test. Prepared like this, I was left alone in the room. The lights went out and I was slid into the machine. The rest happened very quickly: sliding into the machine, a fleeting thought that I was going to suffocate, pressing the bulb, being pulled out of the machine, telling the staff "I’m done with this test," slamming the door, and heading towards the parking lot where my car was parked...
So much for bravado.
As I was leaving the hospital, I heard a young mother say to her son, "You see, that man is big, and he's scared, but you already had your test done—look how brave you were!" As I left, I didn't expect that I could still walk so fast. I decided it was impossible to do such a test only in that tube; there must be other ways. I'll go home, ask Dr. Google what to do in such a situation... I'll surely find a solution. Who else, if not me?!
Calmed down, I went home. I had to prepare for work. A serious task, so the preparations were serious too: a cigarette, coffee, a comfortable chair, and turning on the computer… Wait! If there's something wrong with me, and I don't know what yet, maybe I should quit coffee and cigarettes?? I won't lie, the thought crossed my mind, but it was quickly replaced by another, much better thought: no one ever died from one coffee and one cigarette. Besides, I won't be ridiculous—maybe I'm healthy, and it’s all because of my spine? "Yeah, that's 100% it," I thought, taking a puff of smoke.
I quickly found the answer to my problem on the internet – an open MRI for claustrophobic patients and those whose weight prevented them from fitting into the tube. Without waiting long, I grabbed the phone and called a clinic that had such a device. I scheduled an appointment for the nearest available date, which was exactly one week away. Even now, I remember clearly that it was a week because it was the longest seven days of my life.
I read all sorts of things on various forums and groups related to MS and demyelination... I won’t even mention it because most of it was nonsense without much sense. I know that now; back then, I didn’t, and I grew more terrified day by day. Now I understand how important it is to find a good, informative group or community related to a specific disease.
Unfortunately, I didn’t have that luck back then and had to deal with everything on my own.
The long-awaited day of the MRI finally arrived. My fear was so overwhelming that over those seven days, I convinced myself of at least ten new symptoms corresponding to multiple sclerosis. So, practically certain of my diagnosis made by Dr. Google, I set off. The clinic was over 200 km away.
To be continued next month.
Author: Andy - CEO of Biomelius LTD, who was diagnosed with MS in 2017
